Dear little boy,

Today was sitting on the couch. I had just finished reading my scriptures and I was happy as could be. Then of course, a panic attack came, there at random to jumble my thoughts and make me short of breath. I turned on Godspeed, kind of a desperate attempt to calm my body and mind. When I listen to this song, and sing along, I can feel you. And I can imagine you, little and sleepy from the day. Mommy, that's me, is singing you a lullaby and sending her love to you on wings after your prayers. You lay there and listen and drift off to sleep. I am immediately calm. The panic is gone. I am just full of love for you. My little boy has saved me.

I cannot wait to meet you. All my little boys, this is all of you. You are in my heart already and I can see you in my imagination. I can see you playing with your daddy. I can see you running around the back yard smiling and playing with your sisters. I can see you building with your blocks and Legos. You fill my heart with such joy. I love you. I will always love you no matter what. You are mine, given to me in trust by Heavenly Father who also loves you. Guess you are just loved by everyone. You are going to be amazing men. I am going to teach you everything I know and everything I learn. I promise to be there for you and to hug you when you need it. I promise you will never for a moment wonder if you are loved. I promise that you will fall asleep to a lullaby and wake up to breakfast. I will never leave you. You will always have me and your father. And you will ALWAYS have your Heavenly Father.

Just wanted to write to you and say hello. :) I love you.
Mom

Cereal

So sadly I received a rejection email from a job I really wanted today. After a couple weeks of me calling every day and someone telling me the manager is still going over applications, I guess he decided to stop trailing me along and just crush my expectations with an email to the stomach.

This may or may not have hit me pretty hard.

Fortunately though there is a company in Orem that has been calling and sending me emails practically begging me to finish my half done application. They want to set up an interview as soon as I'm done. So here I sit with a sinus infection finishing this up (It's actually a very long application) and eating mass amounts of cereal. Yay for my glorious life!

So last night Jacob made me lay down while he made us dinner. I love my husband. :)

T.V

So, I'm not much of a T.V watcher. It never really bothers me to do other things, in fact normally I feel better if I do. Go outside. Go on a walk. Cook something tasty. Go visit friends. Read a book. Read another book. Read more books. But lately, T.V. Since I have married Jacob Willis I watch more T.V than I have my whole life. Yes, we fit that in 3 weeks. But we laugh. We talk. We spend time together. It's wonderful just being with the man I love. Next week though, I would like to spend some time laying in the grass in our beautiful backyard and name cloud shapes. I think that would be fun.

Building A House.... Someday =)

     So for now my life consists of, looking for a job, housework, watching T.V, looking for a job, waiting for my husband to get home from work, and looking for a job. Really, until I find a job my life kind of has to be on hold because without a job we as a family unit can't progress past what we currently are. And so because looking for a job all day every day is just not possible (because I would go mad, and there just is too many hours in the day to fill with just that, I have tried. I eventually run out of applications and am left with hours of unfilled time in which I do the dishes and watch the food channel. And vacuum. And stuff. Anyways...)So I needed something to get my mind working. Something other than making up awesome recipes that I forget to write down and can't make anyway because I don't have the ingredients nor the money to buy them, which leads back to more job searching with renewed vigor because I want to cook!!

     So last night Jacob got out all these Lego's, that I knew he had but had no idea exactly how MANY he had, and while eating a 5$ Little Caesar's pizza and watching Man on Fire he began to put up the walls of the house he wants to build..... Eventually. So far it is white, yellow, black, blue, red, and green, with black doors, and a green window in the front. I have to say I am quite impressed by this little model. Now it just needs to be separated into rooms. And then built..... somewhere. Who knows?
     The colors will grow on me I guess. ;)